my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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