yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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