if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
