Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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