if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
