Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
