I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
