Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
