they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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