I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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