I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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