her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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