i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hippo gnu deer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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