how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
