I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
