Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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