Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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