508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize