I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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