Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize