I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
