hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
