It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
