His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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