SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
