yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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