I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So much rum. So many feels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
