am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
