I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize