i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
