I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize