She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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