ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
