Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
