I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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