hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
