Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
