I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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