Your mouth is God's brothel.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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