so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
