i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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