i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
