yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
