Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
