I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
