so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
