respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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