Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
