I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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