I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
