im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no, he came in my armpit
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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