he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
