Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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