Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
