Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize