Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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