so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
