Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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