i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
