Do you still have your period?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize