That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
